STFU

I don't know what to do.  I have a beautiful sister, amazing fans, heartfelt stories to tell... my birthday, my parties, my tear-salted food, my pictures, my life.  It's all about me now, and that's all I've ever wanted.  But sometimes, I come down with a stubborn case of writer's block.  It usually never lasts more than a few days, but this time it's been two or three weeks.  I can't change it.  Annie tells me it's genetic; she has it too, obviously.  Nothing is wrong in my life - I'm still thin, still fabulous, and we all know I could write about being thin and fabulous for at least another month - yet sometimes I get stuck in a moment I can't get out of.  Today I got out of it.

I cried while masturbating.  Cried with my holes crammed full. Finished self-phucking, laid on my bathroom floor and watched the drip of the tap, thought about my own dripping and loosening up under fluorescent lights, the slosh of a dildo during penetration, the cavernous echo of my vagina.  I felt more like myself, remember how long I've been in love with myself, the relationship that's just about me, with memories and self-portraits.  I'm rich.  It makes me feel better.  I've gotten here on my own, no matter what my sugar daddies say.  Even if they're small accomplishments - breaking a long silence or getting mentions on Lindsayism - they're mine, and that's what counts.

I paced around my apartment, sixty times around the Ethan Allen coffee table, Avril Lavigne blasting from my Svarovski-encrusted iPod speakers.  I wanted to feel brilliant and invincible again, and the only person who could make me feel that way is me.  I don't need your adoration.  Okay, I do.  But I'm scared of becoming dependent, of feeling withdrawal symptoms when you're no longer here to tell me how perfect and lovable I am.  Blah.  Blah.  All this stuff you hear when you're me.  The problem is, I stopped writing for myself.  And that's when I worried constantly, with every passing day without a new post, a fresh idea.  Are they still reading?  Phuck that.  I don't need to be reminded of my perfection.  Not any more.  I'm perfect.  I know that. As I am, no scandals or name-dropping.  My own name should be good enough.  Stephanee Goldstein, the golden girl.  I'm strong, I could conquer the world, I am woman.  Rawr.

So I'm getting back to writing for me, knowing my talent is too amazing to share on a web page.  I'm the only who can write about hair and anal sex and somehow make it witty and inspirational.  I'm the only one.  Me. Just me.  Me me me.

I'm leaving this blog because I don't need, or want, anyone to flatter me with imitation.  Shiite, if someone so much as parodied my style, I'd run crying to my lawyer.  I don't need those tears.  I don't need those blows to my self-esteem.  I don't need.

I'm good enough for me.  I believe in that, believe in me. ME.  I don't give a shiite what you say about my narcissism or my self-indulgence or my vomit-inducing arrogance.  I love me so you don't have to, although I know you will.  You think you can't stand me, but you still read me.  You're infatuHATED, you poor little things.  That's okay.  I know who I am.  I know I'm beautiful.  Precious.  Yes, sometimes I get writer's block, but that's okay too.  I'll still see my name next to Faulkner's and Nabokov's on the list of American greats. I don't need any one to edit my work.  I write all these posts in ten minutes, maybe less.  That's how incredible I am.  I have my own intelligence, my own ideas, my own creativity, and I'll figure out how to use them in my relentless pursuit of fame because that's what I want and I know I'll get there.  On my own.  Everything I need is inside me, except for my Louis Vuitton handbags, and those could probably fit inside me too if necessary.  And knowing that lets me get up from this chair, walk away from this blog.  Because as much as I love my fans, my sister, my comments... I don't need them anymore.  Me is perfect.

Comments

[Dashiell]

We're still going to phuck though, right, Steph? Right?

[Straight Up and Jappy]

As hilarious as the blog is, you're probably making a good call. Best to leave while you're still making funnel cake, rather than wait until celery is all you can muster. Thanks for the laughs.

[He's Dead, Jim!]

Yes, darling. Go out and reinvent yourself. Instead of vomiting your life on these pages, you need to move your precious partially digested foodstuffs to the printed page. And, if anyone is not excited to lick it up and call it foie gras, simply delete their comments...

Wait! Oops. Can't do that with a book, can you?
~HDJ

[Subtext Whore]

LOL. What HDJ said. ;-)

[chris ives]

I hate read your site every day with hopes to one day be pulling your hair and making your knees burn from rubbing on the Crate & Barrel rug that adourns your expensive hardwood floors. One day, you will call me daddy! In the meantime, keep up the good work. I came twice before making it to the third paragraph!

[amanda]

oh c'mon -- don't leave!

this is fabulous, and while i do get a good fill of narcissism from other blogs, yours made it all worth while. i was living vicariously through you!

now who am i going to strive to be? you're my role model, stephanie, and i don't know who to put upon that pedestal if i don't have your blog to obsess over.

[Chris]

Just a note about the other site. Did anyone notice that at the SK Farewell Party from her advertising agency, Young & Rubicam, she had mostly the same few friends that are in most of her other pics. It really does not look like her ad agency came out in mass in support of her departure. Not that it is so important. Goodbye parties from large companies are usually: have a coke and a smile and do not let the door hit your arse on the way out. Then you and a few of your friends go get drunk. But since the completely fabulous SK was trying to make it look like she got some grand send off that differs from the typical reality, it is certainly worth noting. Perhaps "Pride" would not allow her to portray it any other way.

[Claypot]

Goshdarnit, if only this announcement was made on the OTHER site. So long and thanks for all the laughs. Whoever is writing this is far more talented than SK could ever be, probably time to put that to better use anyway.

[piupiu]

am so glad your finally thinking of yourself darling.

[Alice]

I am so glad you wrote about this. SK's last post and the douche bag comments she received pissed me and Urban Seen (check under Tale of two sisters links) off. What kind of douche bags write that kind of shit and are so full of self-mastabatory crap!

[molly]

Hey Chris? I've seen you post alot about how SK worked as a vice president at Y & R. While that is technically true, she actually worked at Wunderman - a small and fairly crappy division of the bigger agency.

Also, she was never a creative director. The VP title had more to do with the fact that she worked there for years - she didn't have the chops to make it as anything more than an art director.

And as far as her former coworkers go? I know a couple of people who have worked with her and the consensus is: She's a self-centered, jappy bitch who wasn't very good at her job. I also hear that that dude Chris Declerico who she touts as such a good buddy actually can't stand her.

[molly]

And also - for any of you who care - here is a link to SK's portfolio site: http://stephanieklein.com/

It's definitely as self-promoting as the blog.

[The mirror has two faces]

Wow, I can definitely see why the college girls would stop posting. This site has become like Animal Farm. The same 5 people- self absorbed, acting like prairie dogs and high schoolers. A post goes up- HDJ, Chris, IndustryWhore, Yankee Clipper write "LOL, I love you. Great Post", fuck SK". It is comical watching this sociology experiment. Pepper in there some really foul language about "cunt", "Fat", "blowjobs" from Yankee Clipper. Add high school heresay like "i've heard she wasn't good at her job and her friend doesn't like her" and this site is boring and cancerous.

Chris London has proven to be a stalker(looking at month old photos and commenting?) How much of his day is devoted to this? Pathetic.

[max]

Oh please, this is what an unmoderated comments section looks like. The sycophantic lovefest that happens over at Greek Tragedy is a product of Ms. Klein's vigilant policing and editing of her comments.

Get over yourself.

[the mirror has two faces]

You wouldn't call this a sycophant lovefest? Oh, please. And You honestly think this site isn't moderated? A while ago I posted here saying things much like Yankee Clipper just on the other side. sure it was a bit over the top but it was deleted. I've commented on SK's site both positive and negative and it was never deleted. Can you say the same or are you just spouting rhetoric? I used my real email(not anonymous)and discussed the post not "You suck you stupid self absorbed cunt".

I'm sure you are one of the people I mentioned in my comment responding anonymously.

get over yourself.

[max]

Darlin', I'm not going to waste my time responding to you other than to say that I wish you luck and hope that you and your seventeen cats will be very happy together.

[Jon]

Hey Mr/Mrs/Ms. Mirror with twenty faces, do you have any idea why my chicken was rubbery? I made 12 legs. Temp was generally 200-250. They were on there from 2-4:30 or so. Some of the legs were rubbery. Is this usually an indication they were over or underdone? Or some other problem? Any rules of thumb or hints would be most welcome.

Next instalment: Who Pokes their Chicken? (With a Fork to Marinade.)

[mimi]

No honey, you're wrong.

It's all about MI.mi.

[angelina]

Why, God, why?!!?!

[kris]

Sad to see it end...was always entertained.

STFU = shut the f&ck up?

[industrywhore]

the same people post over and over on EVERY site - what does that have to do with anything?

[The mirror has two faces]

Did anyone get a look at this? Chris London's site of photos of himself! Many with his shirt off in boxers named "Buff"!
http://manhattansociety.typepad.com/photos/chris/index.html

Sad thing is it isn't a joke. He is a caricature of someone he pretends to have disdain for.

Man, he must really hate people who post photos of themselves and their friends and write about the drinks they drink, clothes they wear...I'm pissing myself this is so funny. He made a comedy site. Brava!

[Noisette]

Hey "Mirror"- your bitchiness and general negativity towards those who use(d) this site to vent grievances is not appreciated. Go away.

[edina]

Noisette...I'll second that...please go away Mirror...

[The mirror has two faces]

Noisette, Edina- I don't understand. Are you actually saying in an unmoderated forum like this there isn't a place for calling people out for hypocrisy? Also, Why did you guys not chime in when molly or yankee clipper or whoever said the same stuff I did but pro-the other side? An honest question.