talk of the town

  • "Oh my God. I wonder why the men in my life never call me back as well. Thanks for turning life's heart-rending experiences into wonderful prose for us all to enjoy and cry over. Two penises? That's not crass sweetie. Your honesty is just astounding and wonderful. I wish I was you." - Mimi New York
  • "Thank you for the awwwwsome satire. If she can't take a joke, fuck her." - Seenster
  • "SK is dumb. End of story. Keep on pissing on her bonfire please." - Piu Piu
  • "Only Alex Blagg could write something this stupid." - beerzie boy
  • "Brilliant. Witty. Fantastic. Hysterical." - The Daily Ranter
  • "I would like to nominate this for a Nobel Prize. This is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things ever. Especially the line about masturbating to your own words. But who doesn't do that when they write something brilliant?" - Dave
  • "I can't tear myself away from the ringside action and ring-size drama. Ahhh, the drama." - Young Manhattanite
  • "Genius parody... I really hope [this is] written by a girl, and that she will be my new best friend." - Lindsayism
  • "Great site! Love the entertainment!" - Rene
  • "I luv the site. Now, who is this Stephanie Klein person and why is she impersonating the 2 of you?" - Scott
  • "I don't know why everyone thinks this sight is funny. It's painful. You are a great writer - your style is like William Faulkner meets Hillary Duff - but you are so concerned with what men think of you! I was once fat, too. I know you were fat because you, like all fat girls, were molested by your father. I managed to find my way out of obesity... I now teach Feminist Dance Therapy at UC Santa Cruz, and I can tell you that I am now skinny as a non-molested girl. I stare at your picture and think of what your shallow life must be like. I could show you a way out of that mess. Let me show you. Let me teach you." - Sylvia Jessica Plath

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Comments

sarah

Oh man, one of the funniest things about this blog (and there are SO MANY) is that you guys can actually write. This parody is so much better than the real thing.

Also, the penis chew toy named James Danos? Genius!

Dan

"I wanted to ask him what he did for a living, but you don't ask perfect strangers questions like that, especially at the Coffee Bean on a traumatic morning..."

Friggin hilarious.

Lex Jenkins

You gals are so bad. So very, very bad.

At this very moment I'm getting my cane out of the closet. Later I'll go to the bank and swap a Franklin for ones so I can pad my wallet nice and fat. Then I'm off to the coffee shop to prey on broken hearts.

Heh-heh-heh...

Scroogle ya later. It's more private.

Noisette

"Get under another man. It's the only way."

Stephanie, your tough love makes me weep. I wish I had a sister like you; to dry my tears, shove cake into my mouth, and push me out the door again. Thank you both- you are so inspiring.

Cameron P

I just read this blog for the 1st time...genius

Subtext Whore

You're definitely the more tragic of the two Goldsteins aren't you dear? And you obviously have honesty, bravery and courage on your side, but until those qualities pay the emotional dividends you can eventually expect, have you considered -- on your darker days -- playing Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For A Hero at full volume whilst nobody else is home, and singing along to it at the top of your voice wearing nothing but women's panties? I find that it...I mean my sister finds that it helps her a lot.

Alexandra DuPont

Thank you, anabeth. Today your brave words and the administrations of your sister have given me something that therapy, tony robbins and my father could never give me: you have given me courage. There is such romance in coffee and flirting and brown smells and adultery and I had never thought to combine the two! Here is my story: I have had my eye on a man for weeks now at the local coffee shop where I buy a Vente Java Chip Frapachino thrice daily. He referes to himself as the "Biker Fox", like this, "The Biker Fox would like an iced coffee" "Can the Biker Fox use a debit card on a refill"; has he secretly been beckoning me to listen? Today I will walk up to him and subtly run my fingers through what remains of his mullet. All because of you. I am in aw.

mimi

It's so much more meaningful when a rich man cuts the corner of your challah, or alternatively phucks you exquisitely from behind.

go eat cake sweetie. eat lots of cake. then vomit it up into big thick patties. you deserve some goodness inside of you, of the calorific and circumcized variety

He's Dead, Jim!

Darling, it means so much when you date someone who limps.... perhaps he needs a hip replacement? I know a great orthopedic surgeon. Or maybe he should just carry his wallet in a different pocket? Or, maybe you could carry it for him?

pablo

I love elderly married men.

Thank you for reminding me that experience comes with time but it is the anticipation of learning which makes us alive.

Jeff Funk

Beautiful post. I think the ghosts of past loves always linger.

Thanks for your comment on my LiveJournal. You inspired me to open a typepad account.

Take care,
Jeff Funk

stretch_td

And I bet you enjoyed every last morsel. Didn't leave a crumb.

Too wicked, too nasty, this needs to be a SNL skit.

btw, thank you for adding me to you "talk about town".

Sex & Moxie

Typad is so much more functional than Blogger. Love your new design. I, too, was inspired to finally use my Typepad account.

Claypot

Ow! Seriously, my belly hurts from laughing!

"with heartbreak on your sleeve like blood from a fresh wound"

It's too funny. And also, yeah, actually much better writing!!!

lefty_grrrl

Fucking genius.

piupiu

i'm thinking of you and your pain. you WILL get through this. (albeit several pant sizes larger)

x

Stephanie

You both are fucking amazing and you can write too! I LOVE it! I'm so proud to share your name!

3rd Times a Charm ( 3T )

ROFLMAO!!! I almost feel guilty laughing so hard. You gals are hilarious!
3T

Neil

I was with a woman once in bed and I decided to count her freckles. she thought it was so romantic. But after I got up to 548 freckles, I just fell asleep. She got pissed because that's not why she picked me up at the bar for, and ended up kicking me out of the house.

I hate freckles.

TSB

You are my new heroes.

Cher

Hey! Speaking of coconut cake ... I just wanted to let you all know that http://www.kultic.com is a great place to shop online when it comes to items such as True Religion Jeans. Use coupon code denimblog25 for 25% off your entire order! They've got same day shipping, they're 100% authorized, 100% authentic, and have great customer service. Mmm, coconut cake;).

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